I am on top of the mountain that I just climbed and I am loving the view from here!! I am seeing the world through a new set of eyes in which to view this wonderful life! The climb was almost unbearable at times, but the strength that I received to help me keep climbing, was more than inspirational. "Every now and then, right when you least expect it, something amazing happens. And you realize that you are no more in control than a feather in the wind. All you know is that the force moving you is so strong that you just hang on in wonder. There is nothing but the moment and the sense of dancing with angels...."I started back to work on June 29th and boy was I glad to get there! It was wonderful to see everyone and be back at my "home away from home"! I love the work that I do and the people that I work with at the Attorney General's Office. They are the best of the best! It was so good to get settled back into my office and to think about my work rather than cancer. I have been back for 3 full weeks and I am doing well. There are days when I get tired, but it is a good kind of tired! Normality is sweet!!
I had my CT scan on July 8th (the insurance company would not okay a PET scan). The doctors office called me with the results at 10:00 a.m. on the morning of July 9th. They said that the report stated "They could not find any evidence of malignancy within the chest, abdomen or pelvis". Tears of joy and relief instantly began to feel my eyes! This was the day that I had been waiting for since October, 2008. I immediately shared my good fortune with family, friends and co-workers who were also moved to tears. Needless to say, there was much rejoicing!! I am IN REMISSION!! The fight I had, to find the right chemo that I wouldn't have an allergic reaction from, had worked!! Even though I knew that the chemo was what would save my life, I always worried that it might not be enough.
Thinking back on what I have felt while battling my cancer is "How on earth am I going to get through this"? In an article I read it said: "When you climb a mountain, you reach a point where you're to exhausted to continue, and the only way to keep going is to stop thinking about the summit and focus on the rock immediately in front of you. You decide, all I have to do is reach that point. Then, once you get there you pick another rock and somehow you get to the top." That is exactly how you fight cancer. Once rock at a time, rather "One day at a Time". Sometimes it was one moment in time. I had moments of despair, but I knew that I was loved and supported by prayers. And it worked!
Another article that I read was about a woman who had the same kind of cancer I had, ovarian cancer, also stage two, said: "Even after cancer, we have to figure out how to put one foot in front of the other again". Now I am going to learn how to be a cancer survivor. As a survivor, you don't want your cancer to define you, but you also don't want to forget where you have been. After all, cancer transformed my whole life. I have to remind myself that the person I was all along - strong, resilient and focused, help me to navigate the disease.
Cancer (chemo) has taken a toll on my body, but I can see the future now. I will start to look and feel like myself again, "One day at a Time". I want to be me, but better. I want to live life with more kindness, passion, love and appreciation for all that I have and at the top of my list is Gratitude. I want an "Attitude of Gratitude"!
I will be seeing my doctor on Monday, July 27th. I will then have a blood draw and see my doctor every there months for the next 5 years. I am so glad that they will be keeping a good eye on me.
Miley Cyrus sings a song called "The Climb". It came out while I was having chemo. And from the moment I heard the song, it fit exactly how I felt. I goes like this:
"I can almost see it, that dream I'm dreaming, but there's a voice inside my head saying "you'll never reach it". Every step I'm taking, every move I make feels lost with no direction, my faith is shaken. But I gotta keep trying, gotta keep my head held high. There's always gonna be another mountain. I'm always gonna wanna make it move. Always gonna be an uphill battle. Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose. Ain't about how fast I get there. Ain't about what's waiting on the other side, It's the climb. The struggles I'm facing, the chances I'm taking, sometimes might knock me down, but no, I'm not breaking. I may not know it, but these are the moments that I'm gonna remember most. Keep on moving, keep climbing, keep the faith. It's all about the climb".
Well, till next time, remember "For every reason to give up hope, there are 10 reasons not to. Reach out and someone will lend a hand for there are no rules against dreaming big"!!!
"May we never take one single breath for granted"!!!!
-Sheree-
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